Family. Some would say, and I would agree, that the biblical family of ecclesia in The Way is at the least, a misunderstood, and more probably, an all but lost concept. I’m not referring to the family of the world, here. I’m referring to the family of God in Yeshua ha Messiach.
When I refer to the family of God in this writing, I will be referring to the true family, the family of God, and also to the subcategory, the husband, wife, children, grandma, and grandpa who are all within the Blood of Yeshua. There also exists, as well, the subcategory which includes the families of those who are outside the family of God. There is some evident confusion and some important distinctions between the Main Family and the two subcategories. And Satan thrives on confusion; indeed, he’s the author of it.
I won’t spend much time on all the statistical evidence detailing the troubles associated with family life today. We’ve all, I think, seen the evidence around us on a day to day basis even if we haven’t seen it in books and newspaper articles on the subject. I will instead concentrate on the spirit of how we’re living as families, and on what the Word of God has to say about it.
What is a True family? Do we today view the subcategory referred to as our family being what the Word refers to as a family? Again, there is some confusion when attempting to discern “which is which,” and Satan uses that confusion to His advantage.
I’ll begin with a teaching of Yeshua that many misunderstand, and sometimes shy away from, because the conclusions one may draw from it are well outside the parameters of our outlook towards “normal” social structure. But keep in mind that all of the teachings of Yeshua show us how to live beyond, or better yet, sanctified from, the “social norm” of this world.
Yeshua said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for my sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time – houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions – and in the age to come, life (Mark 10:29-30).” Luke repeats it in this way: “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come life.” {Note: I purposely left out “eternal” and “everlasting” because of translation issues.} Earlier in Luke, a similar point is stated perhaps even more strongly. “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”
Many are confused, as I stated above, by these repeated admonitions to leave everything behind, including our families, if we’re to follow Yeshua. I’ve heard these verses taken out of their true context and explained away in several different ways, but there can be no mistake, if we take Yeshua literally, as to what He was instructing us to do. The proof of this can be seen in Luke 8:21: “My mother and My brothers are these who hear the Word of God and do it.”
What? Am I nuts? Am I saying that we should all up and leave our families and our livelihoods behind if we’re going to call ourselves “Christians”? Well, I didn’t say it, but Yeshua did. And there are very strong reasons for His having said it repeatedly. For one, it’s apparent that Yeshua knew that He couldn’t save His family if He didn’t first forsake them. He had to show them by example that we can only serve One Master.
Let’s go back to “the beginning of the end” with Adam and Eve.
As we know, Satan deceived Eve, which led to her offering the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil to Adam, who chose to heed his wife’s request to eat of it, and so through him sin and corruption entered into the world. This is not a fairy tale; it is the Word of God. “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you saying, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ Cursed is the ground for your sake;” Before you take this the wrong way, I’ll state for the record, I am not a male chauvinist. Now permit me to explain.
There are many conjectures surrounding exactly what happened in the Garden. What we do know is that God commanded the man (Gen. 2:16-17) to not eat of the fruit of this particular tree. Scripture does not tell us that He ever gave such a command to Eve; it may be that He did tell her, or it could have been repeated to her by Adam. What we do know is that Adam may have tried (vainly) to justify his disobedience by blaming God and Eve (“The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate”). The point of all this is, that Adam gave higher priority to pleasing his wife, or heeding her, than he did to the command of God. Satan has never forgotten the value of this tactic; indeed, to this day this method is one of Satan’s primary weapons against mankind, womankind, and the ecclesia. And we continue to fall for it. And Satan not only uses our spouses, but the balance of our families as well.
Who knows what may have happened if Adam had rebuked Eve and walked away from her? No one knows but God. But the fact is that in some manner Adam placed heeding his wife above the instruction of God, and as a result corruption, sin, and death, and hatred, and murder, and lasciviousness, selfishness, and pride, and adultery, and divorce, and sorcery… all of these things and more entered into the world. And now the only way to be not of the world is to follow the instructions, the way, of Yeshua, the Scriptures, and the Apostles.
Now I’ll go back to two comments Yeshua made and attempt to tie them together. Above, you’ll see that no one who leaves everything and everyone behind, and anyone who does not, end up in two different categories. The first, who forsakes ALL (Luke 14:33), realizes that he/she is dead, wicked, and worthless, and as long as they continue heeding the world and their existing lives, they are actually allowing the sin and corruption to continue. The second who tries to save his/her own life (John 12:25) is selfish and would rather perish with those things that he/she loves. They love “their lives” more than they love Yeshua and His instructions to give them up. Remember, please, that these are things Yeshua pointed out, not I.
Grace does not cover those who are disobedient to the instructions of our Lord, though it’s often taught so today. That grace (for there is a “former” grace which leads us to the gospel) comes after we have forsaken all, and we’re instructed to not turn back to all we have forsaken (Luke 9:62), indeed, to not even look back at what we’ve forsaken (Luke 17:32). And if we’ve not forsaken ALL of the old creature, how then can we be a new creature? We may take on a form of godliness, but we’ve denied the power thereof if we don’t totally die to what we were. And if we don’t totally die to our old lives, how are we then to have the new life to share with those whom we love? We can’t share what we don’t have.
Therein lies the “secret” of the Family of God. Yeshua said repeatedly that His Family, His friends, and His disciples are those who hear His Words and do them. When we enter into His Family, we are no longer of our worldly families. We now belong to Life, and they to death. We must offer up our Isaacs in order to be filled with righteousness in Him. He indeed can “give them back” to us if they also choose to heed His Voice and follow Him, or even replace them with the ecclesia. But it is the responsibility of each individual who hears to take the first step of obedience, and to keep walking.
Paul addresses this painful issue concerning spouses in particular. He says to the believer that if their spouse is willing to live this new life with them, to let them do so, for they may be saved in the process. But if they won’t, we’re told to let them go peacefully, and that we are not bound to them any longer. We are not, however, allowed to continue in disobedience in order to hang on to them. That would be a repeat of the error of Adam. This is a hard saying, but true.
Many people never truly give themselves totally into the Covenant with Jesus Christ because of what they may, and most probably will, and should, lose upon doing so. “What price will a man give for his soul?” We have a lesson to learn from Esau, here. He gave up his blessing, his inheritance, for a pot of stew. Meeting the “needs” of his flesh was more important to him at the time than the blessing that was otherwise rightfully his. All of our possessions, our houses, our cars, our stereos and TVs, our businesses, yes, even our families who still reside in death, are but temporary “messes of pottage” that are destined to die. They are extremely temporary. The Word says that our lives in this world are but “a vapor” compared to the Life that is promised to us if we leave all the other things behind. If we truly believe, we will recognize this and act accordingly in the Way of obedience to His Word. But many of us claim to believe, and go to church, and pray, and (seemingly) do “all the right things,” and never have taken this crucial, necessary step of obedience. In not doing so, we’re fooling ourselves and the Truth is not in us. We’re still dead.
Therein lies one of the major misconceptions in the “church family” today. Many have taught that since we have grace, we can keep everything we had and add Yeshua and “eternal” life to it. This is simply not true. One cannot put New Wine in old wineskins filled with old wine. Yet that is exactly what we attempt to do out of the fear of losing what we have. As a result, the divorce, adultery, abortion, and single-parent rates are as high for the “church” as they are for the world. We simply have not followed the instructions.
Divorce and extramarital fornication are tolerated within today’s church because, many say, we have “grace.” Because of this supposed grace, we have “forgiveness” when we’re in blatant rebellion to the Word of God. Sorry, but not true. That is nothing more and nothing less than a doctrine of Satan that has, by all observation, infested the “church;” the birds of the air are nesting in the branches of the “tree.”
My opinion, based upon volumes of supporting evidence, is that the corruption of the family in the church is by design. For example, previous to the “female vote” and the “liberation” of women from the home, divorce was at a very low percentage statistically. So, by the way, were suicide, teenage crime and pregnancy, murder rates, and other associated problems. Today’s societies appear to be trying scores of methods to counter these problems; what they are not “trying” is simple adherence to the Word of God. And sadly, the “church” is not trying this adherence either. Most of us are just pointing a finger and blaming others or “the world.”
Our desire today for the things of the world, for pleasing our wives and families, for accumulating the “security of wealth,” has had its cost, a very high cost. It began much earlier, but in the 1930s, under the “New Deal” of F.D.R. and the associated social programs, an administration comprised largely of both secular humanists and spiritists devised a new social structure for the United States that would remove God from the schools and women from the homes. World War II was the catalyst that forced the hand of the American public to embrace this methodology. Off the men went to war, and off the women went to the workplace. At the same time, technology introduced modern “conveniences” such as affordable cars, television, washers and dryers, and the “tract housing” to tie it all together. As more conveniences were introduced, the eventual result was the “necessity” of two incomes. And the necessity of two incomes outranked the stability of the family. The lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life, and the desire for other things began taking their toll at an exponential rate. The great falling away took an unprecedented leap forward.
Instead of rejecting these new world standards, the church eventually embraced them and tried to patch up the holes with various scriptures taken out of context, and created new doctrines to fit our lifestyles. One only needs to look around and observe to see how successful we’ve been with this approach. “No one can serve two masters.” And yet, in our vanity, we continue to patch bullet holes with bandaids, and our hypocrisy is evident for all to see. Our churches are filled with the socially acceptable christian, and the true broken-hearted seekers turn away and are scattered; their disappointment in what they see as “christianity” causes them to dismiss the “gospel” and search elsewhere, and they refuse by association to hear the True Gospel. “Been there, done that,” they say, or, “Those christians are a bunch of hypocrites, and they only want your money.” Yet, their despair is evident on their faces. We, in the church, call them “sinners” and “new agers” and “lost.” They are the very people that Jesus Christ would preach to today were He to come in the same manner in which He came before.
So, in today’s “equal rights” society, we all have the equal right to appeal to the world’s methods and practices. Most people in christendom rely on the wicked world government to defend their “rights.” Friends, the whole issue is that while in this world, the True Believer in Yeshua ha Messiach has no rights. They are dead to the world. To believe and behave as if we do have worldly rights only deceives us along with the rest of the world.
As far as “romance” is concerned, if the (“Christian”) good-lookin’ guy wants to win the (“Christian”) good lookin’ gal, he must show not only “christian” ethics, but worldly gain as well. We in today’s church call this “wisdom.” The Godly, but unattractive and “underly ambitious” man, is simply not a “good catch,” and a “good Mom and Dad” will chase him off in a heartbeat as not being a “good provider.” The thing to ask is, what is a man’s responsibility to provide, and what is God’s?
The Word tells us that it’s God’s job to provide for our needs, while it’s the man’s job to provide leadership aimed at Godliness as a first provision. Today’s church has reversed the roles. If a man, though Godly, does not provide a good income, he’s seen as ungodly, lazy, under-ambitious, not smart, not wise, and basically worthless. The Truth is, the True Man of God will always seek God for the spiritual provisions first, and rely upon God for the secondary, or worldly provisions. Whether or not his wife and kids have all the worldly trimmings should be much lower down the list to him than their existence in the Lord and adherence to His Word. And there lies the deadly fable in today’s church environment. Temporal has greater importance than spiritual.
It’s taught this way from our pulpits, and reinforced by Mom and Pop and the balance of society. But it is a lie from the deepest realms of Hell. And because of our unrighteousness, we don’t love the Truth, but instead we believe the Lie. As evidence, I present our current “christian society” and our “christian family.”
I once heard an interesting statement. Someone said that if one were to throw a frog into a boiling pot of water, it would immediately leap back out. But if one were to take a frog, place it in a pot of lukewarm water, turn the heat on low, and let the water slowly come to a boil, the frog would not notice it until it was too late and it had boiled to death. So it is with today’s Christian Family.
From the day that our children are born, we have maintained the habit of placing them in lukewarm water and turning the heat on low. For the little boy, we start showing him by word and deed that his self-esteem lies in doing well in school, going to college, getting a good job, marrying a pretty girl, and living a “successful” life. Anything less will be a disappointment to all. At the same time, we teach our special little girls that their appearance is important, how pretty they are, to do well in school, and after school to “catch” their Prince Charming who will provide for their every need. The man must be “good enough for Daddy and Mommy’s little girl.” Thus, when they get married, the water is already very close to a full boil, but they haven’t “noticed” it. They begin their marriages in hot water, despite “long engagements” and “premarital counseling.” In fact, I have seen no evidence that either the extended engagement or premarital counseling has slowed the divorce rate in the church.
Think about this, especially those of you who are Torah believers (though it should apply to the entire ecclesia). There is a practice shown to us in the Word of God that today is completely absent, though it is clearly stipulated in the Word of God, for good reason. “When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.” Deuteronomy 24:5
Do we today, as the Family of Yeshua, make this provision for our sons and daughters and brothers and sisters so that they may start their marriages on good footing, with a good foundation? No. Why not? WWYD? Instead, we “substitute” other methods, such as the long engagement and pre-marital counseling, and big weddings and short honeymoons, and we ignore God’s basic instruction to us. The benefits to the Body for following such instruction would be enormous. Yet, we may hear a response such as, “Well, if their family wants to do that for them, that’s just fine. But it’s not the Church’s responsibility.” It’s not? Who’s their true family in Yeshua?
When either boy or girl is then disappointed that their dreams have been shattered, that their special someone hasn’t made them “happy,” it is then (if not sooner) that the destruction sets in. Selfishness and blame and unforgiveness take over, and often children have already been born to them, and are also indoctrinated into the very myth that had been taught to their unhappy parents. They grow up with their “christian” parents judging and fighting each other in a continuous power struggle, and the children, not at all impressed with this “loving God” concept, turn aside to sex and drugs and other forms of rebellion for their answers. Our facade of “putting a good face on things” has failed. And we, in all our wisdom, judge them for their rebellion. The cycle escalates.
It was never God’s intent for the family to operate in this manner. The only answer? The Family of God. The true Ecclesia.
In the Family of God, as I stated earlier, there is a “primary” and a “secondary” family. The primary family is the Body. The Body is where we (should) get our support, our exhortation, our spiritual nourishment, our physical needs (Acts 2&4) and our loving confrontations. The Body is our environment for spiritual health. And the Body exists and dwells in God through and in Yeshua ha Messiach and His Word(s). If our secondary family (husband, wife, children) doesn’t abide in the Primary Body of Christ, it will die of malnourishment.
The secondary family should always be just that: secondary. It should be secondary to the will of God in and through the Body for each and every individual in Yeshua. After all, if we’re not “plugged in,” how can we have anything to share? But primarily, we must make sure that the “Body” we are plugged into is itself plugged in. Many aren’t. And if they are not, we must exhort them to the truth and/or depart from them.
If a particular church is teaching the “(your) family comes first” doctrine, they are not of the True Body, for they are teaching a lie of compliance with the world’s social standards. Most churches today teach this false doctrine. After all, it’s what “our itching ears want to hear.” The worldly wife has always desired to be #1, to be placed in order of preference before God. Again, no, I’m not a male chauvinist. This is simple fact. Read the “Adam and Eve” story. Read the Proverbs. Read the Gospel. Read the Epistles. The (ungodly) woman cares for the things of the world. The humble (Godly) woman cares for the spiritual things of God, and will put no emphasis on storing up or “looking good.” Her “prince charming” is Yeshua, and Him only. She allows the serving spirit of Yeshua to love her husband through her. Her husband is her mate and brother in the Lord, and as such, holds a higher degree of accountability to adhere to things pertaining to Life. He, and She, both know that this world is very, very temporary. And they live as if it is. Nothing of this world has any value whatsoever to them. They are content with daily “food to eat and clothing to put on (I Tim. 6:6-8).” But this is not taught in today’s church. Instead, worldly gain is taught and adhered to as a method of keeping our families “happy.” Many will be spewed out of His mouth (Rev. 3:14-17, I Tim. 6:3-10).
So, what am I suggesting? I’m not suggesting anything; I’m pointing directly at the Word of God and showing answers to today’s dilemmas in the “church.” The reason the church is doing no better than the world is because christendom is of the world.
Let’s look at how the Word instructs us to do things. I will show this from the viewpoint of the “ideal” of adherence to obedience to the Word of God.
First of all, God hates divorce. Divorce is not given as an option for the believer. In the Gospels, when talking to Jews under the Law, Yeshua points out that due to the hardness of their hearts, Moses made an allowance for divorce in the Law. Keep in mind the lessons of the Epistle to the Hebrews that most of the Jews didn’t enter into “the rest” because of the hardness of their hearts, and that God won’t treat the church any differently. Yeshua also said that for adultery, or unfaithfulness, a man may divorce His wife (which also has its implications for the disobedient believer), but not that he should. The Truth is, an obedient True Believer will never be adulterous. Period. They know the stakes are too high, and they fear God and His Righteous Judgment. Adultery is selfishness, and divorce is selfishness, and if we’ve truly died to ourselves in the Faith, we won’t give heed to the selfishness of the flesh.
There are two “angles” of Divorce that must at this time be addressed. First of all, if an unfaithful, unbelieving, or disobedient spouse leaves their other, the faithful spouse is not held accountable in any way. They are not bound. It is not ever even suggested that a faithful, obedient, believing spouse would leave his/her wife or husband or commit adultery. Despite some errant teachings in christendom, there is only one just cause for the dissolution of a marriage: the unbeliever not being content to live the life of a believing spouse. In that case it is the place of the unbelieving spouse to leave. Period. There is no other alternative given beyond doctrines based on conjecture. And in that case the remaining, believing spouse is free to remarry or remain unwed. There are no restrictions (“… you are not bound…”), except to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
Too often, because of the stigma that is placed on divorce, there is no differentiation made between those who have left their spouse, and those whose spouse has left them. Yet, the difference is crucial. A True Believer who is even considering the divorce of themselves from their spouse should be dealt with swiftly by the Body before he/she carries out their disobedience. If they will not comply, they should be put out of the Body, their flesh turned over to Satan, so that perhaps they may repent and their spirit be saved. Period. None of the licentious “well, you have grace so God will still forgive you if you go through with your sin” may be allowed. Marriage is the very picture of our relationship with YWHW, and not to be treated so lightly. If the person will not comply, their very repentance and possible salvation must be questioned, to their face, and thoroughly at that, in a spirit to restore.
The person who is entering a “Ecclesia Body” must be questioned about their marital past. If they were married and divorced before their repentance and deliverance, then once again, they are not bound. It all occurred while they were still dead. It’s part of the dead life, which was not a life. If a marriage and divorce has occurred since the time of their repentance and deliverance, then they must be asked who divorced whom. Once again, if their disobedient, unbelieving spouse left them, they are “clean.” They must not be treated as though they were at fault. They are free to remarry or to remain unmarried, just as if they had never married to begin with. If their ex-spouse repents afterwards and is delivered, and wants to return to them, then if they haven’t remarried yet it is allowable, and should even be encouraged. Remember, everything before death to self and true repentance and deliverance is dead. And buried.
If a person who claims to be a believer and delivered not only divorces their spouse, but also remarries, thus doubling the offense, or marries another who has also made such claims, that they are a “believer” who divorced their spouse, and they marry that person, again doubling the offense, then they are not allowed to partake in the fellowship until they have repented of (left, died to, forsaken) that marriage. It must not be allowed. To allow someone to do so is to count the Blood of Yeshua as a common thing, and the entire fellowship will suffer, in one way or another, for it. God has no tolerance for such things, and if we’re in Him, neither should we.
The Word of God teaches these principles, but today’s christendom does not live by them. It’s a “come one, come all” carnival! We often don’t even check the circumstances around the divorces in our assemblies, much less deal with them. Therefore, licentiousness is the rule. Where divorce is permitted, so also shall every other manner of sinful behavior be permitted. This we cannot allow, but we do allow it. Oh, but we will un-fellowship anyone who challenges “Pastor.”
The Husband-Wife relationship. Up until this past 100 or so years, for the large part, the husband was the uncontested head of the household. But do you want to know what happened? My belief, again based upon the evidence, is that men took advantage and lorded their God-given positions over the female, and thereby corrupted the intent. Instead of serving the woman and her spiritual needs, we enslaved them and used them. Much of what has happened in society we have brought down upon ourselves. And in the process, something horrible has occurred. Because of our sin and the resulting corruption, our roles have been reversed. The man is now enslaved by the desires of the woman. Man’s sin has worked hand-in-hand with Satan’s plan.
Proof? The “rules” of society have produced what is known as “no-fault” divorce. Incontestable Divorce. The inspiration of the Ronald Reagan governorship of California, to make the divorce of his pals in the Actor’s Guild a bit easier. But it spread like wildfire to the other states. After this occurred, a man or woman could simply have a “bad hair day” and decide to divorce their spouse. If they decide to go through with it, there will be no stopping them. Only a mock “trial” or court appearance would occur. In one fell swoop, a person could destroy their spouse’s life, their children’s lives, even their entire social structure, including friends, family, and work and community relationships. The divorcing spouse could even take half or more of their “true love’s” possessions, and/or keep them in debt the rest of their lives through child support and alimony. The attorneys, of course, used this new law to come up with a way to make more money, and called their invention “pre-nuptial agreements,” which is just another way of saying, “I love you and trust you enough to marry you, but I don’t trust you, so sign here first.”
Try to look at it in this way: If we have a piece of cloth that is whole, and we pull out from it one of the many threads, we may see a slight blemish, but the overall strength of the cloth won’t be affected too much. Now, let’s pull out a few more threads. Each time a thread is pulled, the appearance of the cloth, as well as its strength and usefulness, is affected more and more. Now imagine a cloth with 60% of the threads pulled out! Each “single” thread’s removal didn’t affect the cloth “much,” but the total of all the pulled threads make the cloth useful only as a “dirty rag,” if even for that. So we see society, and christendom, today.
What a catastrophe! What corruption of God’s intent for marriage! What destruction it has produced in society! And it has been embraced as much by those who claim to believe as it has been by the world.
The question that must be asked here is this: If someone is so given to breaking a marriage vow to someone they promised to love for life, and promised in front of God, what does that make of their vow (covenant) to Yeshua? Same thing. “As long as you meet my needs and make me happy, I’ll keep my vow.” Vows made to be broken under “subject to change” conditions are worthless, and better not made.
So now for the proper way to be married, as True Believers in the Faith in Yeshua ha Messiach.
Where spiritual accountability is concerned, the man is the head of the woman, no doubt whatsoever. What must be remembered is exactly this, that he is accountable. He must give answer to God for his Godliness, or lack thereof, toward his wife. He is a steward of God’s woman-child. If she errs through his lack of diligence in pursuing the Truth of God, it is he who must give answer on that Day. If he is diligent, and gives warning to her concerning some behavior, and she then disregards him and does the wrong thing, then he is clean of responsibility and it is she who must give answer for her rebellious attitude. If he errs or sins, does that give her just cause to invoke her “rights?” Maybe by the world’s standards; but the Word says to fight evil with Love. And Love (Agape’) is unselfishness, without which Paul stated we are nothing.
In sexual matters, he must remember Who she belongs to. If he mistreats or belittles her, he must remember that an answer will be required, especially if it causes her to sin. He must serve her responsibly, which means confronting her when need be, and encouraging and exhorting her in the Spirit of Love and Truth and Mercy at all times.
Is it his responsibility to maintain the societal status quo where worldly goods and possessions are concerned? Absolutely not. It is his responsibility to go directly to God for her everyday needs of food, clothing, and shelter, and not to maintain a socially acceptable level of materialism so that she is “happy.” To do otherwise is to ensnare her in the cares of the world, and indeed this is what has happened in today’s “church” world. “Happy wife, happy life” is a lie of the serpent. If she has truly given herself to God in Yeshua ha Messiach, she will know that she is not to make such demands as storing up and worrying about tomorrow. She will be content in His Rest. The husband will “work with his hands” so that he may have “something to give”, and count on God to provide the work that in turn provides food and clothing for his family (I Thess. 4:11-12, I Tim. 6:6-10). Nowhere in the Word does it imply that it is the husband’s responsibility to make his wife happy with worldly goods. Annanias tried that….and the Spirit removed both him and Saphiras permanently from the Ecclesia.
The Godly husband will see to it that he and his wife follow the Word of God literally. He will not approve of her dressing enticingly or for approval in public, and will caution her when she appears to do so. He will cautiously guard her for her spiritual well-being, just as Yeshua does with His Father’s Bride. He will guard her against the snares of the world, the desire for other things, the deceitfulness of materialism, and the wolves in sheep’s clothing that will “listen to her in her distress” and “comfort her.” The marriage bed is to be undefiled, and in all other things he will treat her as a “little sister in the Lord,” with all purity of heart. He is to submit his body to his wife as she is to submit hers to him.
Next is the subject I expect to receive plentiful emails about, as if the preceding subject wasn’t touchy enough! It concerns the role of the Wife in the Lord.
Proverb 31 shows us that a woman’s role is to make her husband look good. Now, before you ladies all pick up the baseball bats of love, please remember that it’s the job of the Bride of YWHW to make Him look good, and our marriages are to be pictures of The Marriage.
First of all this. Once you, if true believer you are, have made the betrothal vow to your future husband, from that point on you can never, ever, ever, ever even entertain the thought of leaving him, even if he shows himself to be unfaithful or an unbeliever. A betrothal vow is not a “maybe” in God’s eyes, just as a wedding vow doesn’t contain the phrase, “until I’m not happy.” I’m going to make a shocking comment; once having come to a full knowledge of the truth (or claiming to be “born again”), if a man or woman divorces his/her spouse, and therefore breaks a vow made before God, that person should begin praying in sackcloth and ashes that God doesn’t divorce them. That’s how serious of an issue this is. God hates liars (vow breakers), and God hates divorce. Period. Exclamation point!
A woman has the power to destroy a man spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and she has the power to enhance, enable, encourage, and exhort a man. There is nothing I know of that will take a man’s eyes off of God faster and more completely than a woman or money or power. That is the power women have over men. Some may say that it works both ways, and to a point I’ll agree, but when one looks at the Word of God, especially the Book of the Proverbs and the story of Adam and Eve, you should be able to discern a difference. There’s something about a woman that can, and often does, bring a man to his knees (to her). And therein lies the danger to both the man and the woman. Conversely, there is nothing that I know of that can uplift a man spiritually, aside from the Father, the Word, and the Spirit, than a godly wife. Such is your power to tear down or to build up.
Ladies, do you recall the verse, “Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up?” OK, I’m going to draw an interesting parallel. Many times in the Scriptures, when a man would “go in unto” a woman to make her his wife, it is said that he would “humble her.” Now, I want to be very careful here; I am, after all, a man addressing women. You see, when anyone, man or woman, humbles themselves to YWHW in making a vow to the Covenant with Yeshua, we are making ourselves subject to Him in all things. Now, when a woman humbles herself to her husband, it is the same. She is willingly making herself subject to him in all things, as a picture of the Ecclesia’s relationship with YWHW as His Bride. Also, remember that while we humble ourselves to Him, it is actually He who has humbled us. Our contribution to the Marriage Covenant is to be willingly subject to Him, and to leave our old lives behind, never to turn back or look back or look elsewhere. He then becomes the very center of our lives. And so it is to be with a woman toward her husband.
Please don’t get mad at me! It’s all in the Word of God, and if you really want to know the Truth, you’ll go looking there.
So, the woman has willingly shared of herself with her husband, and is so made subject to him in all things. Do you remember that Sarah always called Abraham “Lord?”
The woman is the weaker vessel. She has the weaker flesh. She is (on a general scale) or should be, anyway, more easily deceived. She can be more trusting, but she also has greater wrath when displeased. That wrath can be destructive to generations when fully arrayed.
Ladies, Satan doesn’t change the tactics that produce results. And the tactic he used on Eve in the Garden produced spectacular results for him. This particular tactic is that he attacked (very cunningly) the Man through the Woman. The fruit was the bullet, and Eve the gun, but Adam was the Target. Satan knew what he was doing, and he still does. That is why it is so necessary for a woman to hang onto every word and instruction of her husband (as long as he doesn’t point away from God.) Do you realize that you are the armed nuke that Satan wants to point and fire at your husband? And you can be sure that when he gets done with him, he’ll turn his attentions then to you. You see, Satan can’t really get at you spiritually as long as your Godly husband is in the spiritual picture. But once the husband is “disposed of,” the wife becomes “easy pickings.”
Here’s how Satan works. He doesn’t often use a sledgehammer, at least to begin with. He uses wedges. Now, with a wedge you can find a very small crack in between two objects and insert the narrow end into the crack. Then you start tapping, at first very lightly, to secure the wedge. Once it’s securely in between the two objects, you start hitting it a little harder. Once the gap widens, you can then insert more wedges and keep going, making the distance between the two objects greater and greater as you go, until finally you have enough room between the two to insert a crowbar. Thus it is with Satan. If you’re not paying close attention, you and your spouse, you may not even notice the “little taps.” As soon as you do notice, though, you shouldn’t try to stop it yourself. You should cry out for your husband, bring it to his attention, and then both of you, together, can approach the Master Builder to address the problem. Don’t think you can “handle it” yourself, as Eve, and then Adam, did. And it would be beneficial to remember that the “wedges” are often made with selfishness.
Now for another “sensitive” area.
Speaking in general, when there is something a woman wants, and doesn’t have, she often “acts unhappy,” moping or frowning or seeming lost in another world. She knows the results; and at least subconsciously, she knows how well this works. She’s honed this skill to master craftsman level by practicing on Daddy and other males, and even on Mommy, all her life. This procedure then produces the necessary effect on her husband: guilt. “I must have done something wrong,” or something like it, will be his first thought (and remember, your little girl is watching and learning the whole time!) At this point, he asks you what’s wrong. “Oh, nothing…” Well, as you may know, that just makes him feel more guilty, like he’s not doing his job in some way. So he keeps asking you, and “phase 2” begins. “I told you, nothing’s wrong!” Oboy, now she’s not only mopey, she’s angry as well! “I’d better do something,” thinks the husband. Now, he begins wracking his brain, checking his “mental lists” to see if he’s forgotten something important, and truthfully, he’s quite miserable, especially if he can’t find anything. “Let’s see; has she mentioned anything she wanted, or wanted to do? Did I make any promises I didn’t keep? Did I mention something as a ‘maybe’ in passing that she took as a promise?” If he can’t figure out anything specific, he’ll start throwing darts in the dark. He’ll bring home flowers, or book a weekend in the mountains, or call your Mom to see if you’ve mentioned anything (if he’s brave). Your moping act has not only put him in a tailspin, but it’s taken his eyes off of God as well. But maybe one of those darts will hit the target somehow, and you’ll get what you wanted. That’s what’s important, right?
Ladies, I’m not claiming that you all do this intentionally (though I may believe that some women do, and a portion of men as well), but that you’ve been programmed with extremely unbiblical behavior patterns by your well-intentioned-though-not-too-wise loving Daddies and Mommies, as well as by the world around us. Subconsciously, you believe it’s your right to behave this way. But do you see what it does to our families? Look around you at the destruction! And, know this much: the time may come when your husband doesn’t “hit the mark” in the right way or often enough, and you decide you’re no longer “happy.” Then he notices you’re unhappy, and having tried everything he knows, he gets discouraged. And then either you divorce him, or he finds someone that makes him feel like he can make her happy. And do you know who wins? Not him, and not you, and perhaps worst of all, definitely not the children. And definitely not the Body of Yeshua.
Now, am I blaming all women for this? For some of you might claim that. No. I’m showing a very recognizable pattern that has become part of our society, planted by Satan, indoctrinated into the “cultural consciousness”, and practiced without much hesitation. And the men are every bit, if not more, “to blame” as the women. Fathers have propagated the lie in their sons and daughters. The fathers and mothers expect the improbable or impossible from the husband of their “little girl”, and so increase her feelings of having the “right” to be unhappy and to feel unfulfilled.
Our society’s laws make for an “easy answer” with the “no-fault divorce.” The man is terrified that “one false move” will bring about the destruction of his life and his family, and he spends his time walking on eggshells. He begins to fear his wife more than he fears God! (Do you see what’s happened? His eyes have been taken off of God, and he fears the results of not pleasing his wife instead of fearing the results of not pleasing God!) The point is, this has all been planned out! What I stated above is just the part that has been planned out for the wife to play, and she can’t help but play it if she isn’t careful to heed entirely the Word of God concerning her husband! Satan does have a master plan, and even though he’s going to lose, and already has, he plans to take a lot of us with him.
Ladies, what can you then do? Well, for one, you can make sure you don’t get caught up in the “gotta havit” syndrome, and for the other, submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord and rely on them, on Him in and through them, for your protection. Husbands, what can you do? First, be in the Lord, totally. Secondly, don’t allow your wives, or yourselves through them, to get caught up in the lie of this world’s goods. Ladies, don’t rest your security in your husband’s monetary ranking, and in the thoughts of tomorrow. Instead, rely on God to provide what you need, and not what you want. Husbands, don’t bring your little girls up to rank a man by his monetary potential, but instead to appraise him by his commitment to the Lord and to others. And don’t raise your son to value his worth in what he can “bring home” monetarily. Live the Life of dying daily and leaving yesterday behind and not being concerned about tomorrow. This is how to “bring them up in the way they should go.”
One of the fatal mistakes we make with our children today is to give them what they want. Think about it. If God gave His okay to what we really want, where would that leave us? We certainly wouldn’t be in His Will, now would we? God expects us to obey and follow His lead for our protection; we should be the same with our children. By the way, they aren’t really our children, anyway. They’re His children. If we blow it with them, we must then answer to Him.
When we indulge our children, we’re perpetuating the myth that the things of this world will make them “happy.” Why should they look forward to God’s Kingdom when they get what they “want” in the here and now? And, once again, we’re setting them up for very disappointing, if not disastrous marriages. In “bringing them up in the way they should go,” we should show death to self by example. The things of the world are a deadly snare, and to demonstrate otherwise is to set our children up to inherit Death.
Don’t agree? Look it up in the Word of God. Our job is not to please our children, but to teach them of Life in Yeshua ha Messiach and prepare them for battle against a wicked, evil society and world. The Word of God says that Satan rules this world! It is not a nice place, and if we think that we are doing our children a service by teaching them that it’s going to be fair, we’re setting them up for a big fall. If we set about teaching them to “compete” in the world, same thing. Only in teaching them to live for Another Kingdom will they have a fighting chance.
Now, to tie this all back together, Yeshua said to leave father, mother, house, wife, sister, brother, children, lands, and possessions, and that in return we’d receive hundredfold mothers, brothers, sisters, children, houses, and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come, life. Let’s take a close look at that to see how the Body ties into all of this.
First of all, did you notice the absence of fathers and wives in the list of what we’d receive? Well, first of all, we who have forsaken all now have One Father, God. And Yeshua wasn’t about to promise us hundredfold wives (even the muslims only get 72)! (That was a joke; sorry.) The fact is, if our wives remain with us and become partakers of the Covenant, they then become sisters in the Lord to us, though of one flesh with us. If they don’t become partakers of the Covenant, but stay with us, they’re not sisters, though they’re still of one flesh with us, and while not saved, they have the distinction of sanctification. We do get hundredfold brothers and sisters in the Lord, and hundredfold children (new believers) in the Lord to teach and exhort, as well as the children of our brothers and sisters. The lands, in my opinion, refers to the world as our “evangelical oyster”, and all lands are then ours in Yeshua for His purpose. The Blood of Yeshua is in this way “thicker” than the blood of our worldly families. Unfortunately, we today don’t treat it as such. We still give “preference” to “our own flesh and blood” over those of “Yeshua’s Blood.” The Word clearly states that we should prefer each other, for those who are in Him.
But there’s something from that list that appears to be missing in today’s christendom, at least in “the west.” Persecutions. Oh yes, I’ve heard stories of people being “persecuted” at work or at school because they were disobedient to the rules of the boss or the school system. Actually, those people are being ridiculed and chastised, and they deserve it. We’re told in the Word to mind our own business, to be an example, to obey the laws, and to mind our “masters” at work. When we step outside of this, it is not righteous persecution that we receive, but our deserved chastisement and ridicule for our pride and rebellion.
When the True Ecclesia of today leaves everything behind, forsakes all, and starts living as the Family and Body of Yeshua, we’ll then be in His will, and we will see the promised persecutions. But as long as we live like the world does and break the rules, we’ll just be called hypocrites.
Yeshua made it clear in many ways and with many words that He desires for us to be sanctified from this world, not of it while we are in it, so that we’ll be free from the bondage of sin. And He promised that the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. We just need to reach out for it.